The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
