He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
