sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
