my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize