The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
