I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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