Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
