I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
