Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
