uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
