So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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