i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
