but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
