Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
