so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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