why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
