You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
