my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
