i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
