Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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