I accidentally burped into my bong.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
