We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
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I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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