I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
