I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
