I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
