He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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