Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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