i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
