quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize