Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
