when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
