New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize