Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
