I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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