i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
