I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
