Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
