Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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