Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
