I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize