shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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