i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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