yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
