apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
