...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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