I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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