im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize