I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
