we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
