you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
