I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
