Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
