you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
