3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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