I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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